I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
