four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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