She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
