she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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