I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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