Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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