that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
