i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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