I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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