There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
