FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
