Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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