i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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