dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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