If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
