I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
