She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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