I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
