It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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