So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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