god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
