I just pynch a tree in the face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
