I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
