Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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