If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
