the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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