Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
