he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
