you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
