You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
