So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
