I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
