i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
