and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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