i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
