So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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