If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
