Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
