Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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