Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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