Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
