i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
