Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
