make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
