wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
