i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
