Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
