did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
did i walk over a car last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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