Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
