Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
